Michael: A Little More Fearful

Butter butterfly
As large as my outstretched hand
Glides into the sun.

Monday, September 25, 2017

A few weeks ago to pass the time on the flight between Panama and L.A., I re-watched Little Miss Sunshine. I love that movie and particularly Alan Arkin’s grandpa character. His approach to old age is “What the hell? What’ve I got to lose, so why not?” Old age is the time to let loose and live without restraint.

But as much as that approach plays well in the movie, I find it hard to not counter balance that feeling of let it all hang loose with a thoughtful trepidation. I like the sound of that a lot better than fear.

So today Kimme and I went on a two hour reconnaissance bus ride because I’ve been away and it’s been raining pretty heavily and I wanted to check out the hilly, windy road from Volcan to Rio Sereno.

Now if I were half the age I am now, I doubt I would’ve done a road reconnaissance. But I’ve had a few crashes since then and I no longer have that damned the torpedoes, full speed ahead approach to the unknowns that bike rides can throw at you. Fortunately, I’ve always come out of my mummy wraps not looking to worse for wear, but I’m always a little fearful that the next time they bandage me up, I won’t be as pretty afterwards, or maybe they’ll just keep the wrappings and I’ll end up living the rest of my life looking and feeling like the English Patient.

Mind you (That’s an old man way to begin a sentence, isn’t it?), I still enjoy the speed of a bicycle but I don’t mind admitting that I scrub a little more speed off the bike before going through turns and I’m even sitting up and braking a bit on long downhill straights that I would, in my youth, tuck into full aero to see what numbers I could hit on the speedometer.

So no, I’m not a let her rip, snort some coke, Little Miss Grandpa old dude. And for now I can live with that, and not worry too much that the creeping caution I’ve embraced as I’ve gotten older has changed my basic character or what I enjoy doing.