Michael: My Placebos

The mountain lion
Rambled across Las Flores
During broad daylight.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Where I work as a hiking guide, a few of the guides talk like electrolytes are like amphetamines though with no possible harmful effects; enough will perk you up yet too many will just be flushed harmlessly out of your system.
And surprisingly, our clientele, made up of mostly well educated middle aged adults, tend to (pun intended) swallow this advice without question.

In my half a year working there, I’ve only had one person question this advice, and I was happy to give her my take on the Big E pushers‘ advice. The body wants stasis. It may not want or need it constantly but sooner or later, or if pushed to extremes, staying out of balance will have unwanted consequences.

In the case of balancing electrolytes with hydration; too many salts without enough water could  lead to an upset stomach. In which case you’re going to be advised by your body that indeed you can take too many electrolytes and the consequences are going to be either a need to slow down and wait until you drink enough water so they can be absorbed properly or they may be expelled from the system more forcefully then my fellow guides gently waving their arms downward and out (as if too many electrolytes will always be pleasantly urinated out) suggest.

 Unless you also believe vomiting is harmless.  I don’t. Consequently, I’m always fighting the urge during their talk about electrolytes to pantomime violently waving my arms upward and out while opening my mouth and sticking my tongue out as if regurgitating, but at this point I don’t have the seniority to believe I’d survive this addition to our orientation without being gently flushed out of my employees’ system.