Michael: When in Doubt

We are the hunters
Who have killed off all our prey
Except each other.

Monday, April 15, 2019

My Saturday win at the Ahmanson 18k trail race was a win against doubts; my own and my competitors.

I’m not usually very talkative when I’m running, and that didn’t change on Saturday, but one of my competitors was and when the race was over I did spend a little time talking to the other of the trio that made this one of my more enjoyable and memorable races.

What I found interesting is that we were all struggling with doubts throughout the race. Josie, the most talkative dude out on course, was a road runner who had recently gained 20 pounds, and although clearly a speedier flat and downhill runner than Zenen and I, he struggled on the uphill and doubted he’d be able to hold Zenen and I off during the long, slightly uphill last few miles. He had both a jovial and fatalistic attitude which I took note of and enjoyed which is pretty unusual for me when I’m competing. Usually it’s just the typical “Way to go, or keep it up,” encouraging though largely forgettable banter.

Zenen seemed much more like me; into focusing on his own running and not really talking much; although he did have some Spanish exchanges with Josie. At the end he told me that he had been struggling with hamstring issues since the L.A. marathon and had just signed up that morning for the race, not sure whether he’d be able to sustain a hard effort throughout the race.

As for me; I’m 60 and haven’t won a race in 6 years. These guys were a lot younger and I was often thinking I’ll be lucky if I can just finish in the top three.

But in the end I was able to hold off my doubts long enough to take advantage of a rare opportunity. I don’t want to allow my head to float in the clouds for too long, but for the moment, it feels pretty damned cool. I doubt I’ll be in this position again anytime soon, but it feels good to know that if I am, I’ve overcome the doubts recently.