Michael: Finally

The mountain’s backbone
Is covered with puffy clouds
Like a ponytail.

Saturday, December 17, 2017

After a very long rainy season, I was finally able to get outside on my bike and face the stress test of a first ride after a pretty gnarly accident.

Did I pass? I kind of hope not. The feel of riding can be very exuberant. I see kids racing to school all the time that are completely enjoying the experience of what it is to ride fast and care free. I know I don’t feel that way and haven’t really felt that way for a long time now, and that’s both a loss and a hopeful sign I have obtained some wisdom.

Yes, I still do enjoy the rush of speed either created by muscle, gravity or both. But I feel so much more relief now when the terrain takes an upward slant and the world slows down enough for me to appreciate the landscape and the suffering involved in grinding up a substantial hill. My mindset hasn’t completely reversed. I don’t grind on the brakes downhill like an old grandpa completely yet, but I do make much more judicious use of my brakes then I use to.

I’m also able to appreciate the irony in the notion that what I once saw as kind of the nuisance part of a ride; getting up a hill so you can speed down the other side, is now the focal point of the ride for me and the downhill has now become more of the incidental or even dreaded part of the ride.

In some ways accidents and recoveries are a good analogy for the wising up that’s suppose to take place with maturing; weighing the risks against the benefits. I suppose that mechanism is even buried somewhere deep inside kids, it just seems to become substantially more complex as we get older and our responsibilities pile up along with our memories that now have longer histories to reflect back upon.