Michael: Magical Gloves

Sunday, April 26, 2015

The tarantula
Was desperately trying
To move off the road.

There’s an old expression; for everything that goes right, a million things can go wrong. Now Kimme and I have made a lot of mistakes while hiking, but we’re a long way from a million, but we do involve ourselves in a few mishaps frequently enough to have us scratching our heads and saying “Well, that’s a new one.” Outside of not knowing where we were for hours; that’s old hat for us, we threw a couple of new ones into the mix just for laughs on our last hike.

Both of the new ones last time out involved stumbling and falling. Again, nothing new for me, so I’ve got to get creative with my variations and involve new props just to update my repertoire. In fact I stumble and fall so often that I’ve been wearing gloves for years. I recommend doing likewise to just about every trail runner I talk to, but maybe most people just aren’t as prone to using somersaults and cartwheels to propel themselves down hillsides as I am.

My first props were my hydration bladder and vest pack. The pack is designed with an open sleeve for the bladder to allow for quick access while filling. It also allows for quick egress while falling. And that’s what happened. I stumbled and while falling forward, bending over and using my wisely gloved hands to prevent myself from completely falling the bladder flew out of the pack. The hose, though, was securely enough attached to the front of the vest so that the bite end of the hose stayed in place. This wasn’t the case with where the hose attaches to the bladder; that detached. So a few steps in front of me was my bladder leaking like an untied water balloon.

I was smart enough to grab the bladder, plug the leak with my thumb and turn it upside down and only prevent perhaps the loss of 10 oz. I’m also smart enough to have another pack on order that doesn’t have an open pouch or uses a bladder with the same hose attachment process.

For my next trick, ladies and gentlemen, please keep your eyes on the very large cow patty near the rock I’m about to stumble into with my right shoulder. I stumbled and again using my magical gloves, along with my shoulder and rock, prevented myself from a full on cow pasture belly flop. Both Kimme and I got a good chuckle when we saw how close I had come to completely drenching my torso into a very large pile of fresh cow dung. I’ve seen the bus drivers turn away drunks, but would they have turned me away if I had coated my shirt with cow filling?

Maybe next time folks, got to keep everyone guessing and on their toes.